Another Year Older

When you are a mom people often ask, “What was harder the second or the third (or however many you have)” You talk with other moms about “the number” that made you start to wonder if you were loosing control and possibly your mind. I think most people have a number. You thinking about it?

For me it was the first- becoming a mom was HARD. I felt trapped and lost in my new calling as a “Mother.” I suffered real and debilitating postpartum depression. Our baby also had colic in a bad way. She used to scream most of the day and it’d get really awful from about 4-9 at night. It was rough. It is also the main reason my husband starting working from home and how we became self employed. We struggled through it all together, but we came out stronger. Around 9 months old Charlie’s colic got better and the clouds started to lift from my head. She became the MOST fun baby-toddler-child a mother could want. Her happy loving little personality helped me heal. We had a blast together and I started to cherish every moment.

Today this wonderful kid turned 8! Ah!! And all day long I just keep thinking that I wish I could turn back time and be her mom all over again. I would love just one more day with her as an 18th month old. This poem also keeps coming to my mind.

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before.

And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

And nothing in particular to worry about. So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

-Author Unknown-

On Saturday, Miss Charlie, also hits another milestone in her life and is choosing to be baptized. My heart is excited for her and… a little sad for me. I love watching her grow- she is really a great kid! But, this is kinda making me want to cry sad tears! Her first boyfriend, leaving for college, the M-word (marriage). Ewww…those are going to come faster that I want and I’m going to have a hard time…. I am going to do my best to cherish this weekend and try not to cry too much.